A Just Balance Mentality
Hi Triple B's (balance blog buddies)-
Thank you so much for reading my first ever blog on my site! If you would rather listen to today's blog post, click on the link here. Otherwise, just keep scrolling.
So, I've actually been writing all my life- songs, lyrics, poems, short stories, journal entries, reflections- you name it, I've written it. As I got older and got more busy doing the "things" that keep us busy, I didn't write as much. The pandemic however created a window of opportunity for me to reignite my passion and literal yearning for writing/journaling.
I was 33 years old with a four month old when the world literally shut down. I had just returned to work from maternity leave and was just getting into the everyday balance of being a working wife and Mom. And then COVID wrecked my sense of normal. For anyone who knows me, you know that I am high strung, normally anxious (I know what the word says, be anxious for nothing, but it is what it is), over analytical, and more often times than not, totally in my head. This new normal that the pandemic gave me, absolutely threw the shreds of balance that I had in a way that was really hard for me to cope with. And for the sake of just packing it on a little more, I found out that I was pregnant again with my Cayleigh bug and whatever balance I had left, had gone right out the door with the revelation of that positive pregnancy test.
It was also in this time though, that I started to write again. I was so flustered and just didn't understand what was happening so I wrote all my feelings. I kept journals- like I may have single handedly kept Target and Amazon in business for the amount of journals that I went through over that two year period. But writing for me was cathartic; it was my safe space. It was the only place that I could say whatever I wanted with the freedom of not being judged, questioned, misunderstood, but more than anything a place where I could be honest and engulfed in my own truth.
So here we are, two years later and while we are slightly over the COVID hurdle (it's still out there, ya'll just be careful) I am desperately striving for balance. This blog is a way for me to chronicle my quest for balance within all areas of my life. Sometimes I may talk about balance in my relationships, balance on my motherhood journey, balance in my career, balance in my self care journey, and any other space where balance should reside. I named my blog Just Balance with Brittany with just really meaning "exactly at this moment". During my devotional time, I came across a scripture that really stuck with me; Proverbs 16:11 says "A just balance and scales are the Lord's; all the weights in the bag are his work". The literal translation is about scales, weights, and measures which references an ancient method of measuring bulk items. In my prayer time however, I understand this to really be about our honest dealings with ourselves and each other. A "just balance" at this point of my life is about being honest in the reflections of my journey and quest for balance in every aspect of my life.
I'm excited to share this journey with anyone who may read this blog. A major shout out to my husband Chad that supports me in any endeavor I think about trying! Ready, set, here we go........
This week has been about continuing my journey with making sure that my spiritual man is taken care of and that I've prioritized creating the ultimate balance in this aspect of my life. Currently, I am using a plan that I found on my bible app called "Becoming a Well-Watered Woman in a Parched World". First of all the English teacher in me was like "yes, ma'am, I'm reading this simply because of the language in the title". The words "well watered in a parched world" spoke to me and connected with the feeling that I have been having internally as I think about my daily devotional time and allowing myself to be watered through the word of God.
Excited to dive in, I began reading with the intent of really immersing myself in this week's devotion. As I've aged (gracefully I hope), I have become a verbal processor, but also a very auditory learner. In an effort to balance, I've also been listening to my devotionals after dropping off Carter and Cayleigh at daycare (don't judge me, okay). Out the gate, I was asked to examine, "How are you-REALLY"? I think my first instinct was to laugh. Sometimes I laugh when I'm nervous or simply when I just don't want to respond to something. The laughter this time helped to cover the anxiety that I had with even beginning to examine- Brittany, but how are you for real? I've learned that my truth to this question lies somewhere between "girl, you've got it together today, I'm so proud of you" and "today was supposed to be a good day for you, what happened?" What truly made me laugh about this question was the entanglement of my own perception of my current reality and how that then means that I show up in the world- how I show up as a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, but even more how I show up for myself.
By the end of the week's readings, I've determined that I'm okay most of the time and sometimes I'm actually not. I'm learning to give myself permission to not be okay, to not have it together, but to be okay with how I show up in those moments. My core belief about who am I and who I want to become are the most important parts of me showing up. So, this week, my core belief is that I am worthy in whatever state I find myself in. I am allowed grace and space to figure it out every day- if God grants us new mercies, why shouldn't I use them as an opportunity not to get everything right, but to be the best version of myself for the ones that matter most to me.
Jana Kingsford said, "Balance is not something you find, it's something you create". I'm allowing myself space to continue creating balance through my devotional time- time that is spent with just me and God in hopes of becoming better than I was yesterday.
As always, words are what I have for you-